methodistic

Haaay youuuu gaaaaiiiisss...!!

I just got done smoking a cigarette out of my bedroom window. There wasn't much of a view, but the summer air felt great, and the flowers growing on my neighbor's fence are gorgeous. Plus, I had Dredg playing on my eyePod. I spit on my lawnmower a couple times. I don't know why I'm still smoking cigarettes. I've cut back, and I smoke maybe two a day on average, but they can be fucking nasty at times. Although, after smoking all this time I have learned the difference on certain types of cigarettes. For instance: Newport 100s are delicious and Marlboro Menthols are a close, cheaper second. I can't stand Camel Crush. They have a pseudo-menthol taste.

To those of you who don't know who Dredg are (is?), check 'em out. They're easily one of my top ten favorite bands of all time. They're a Bay Area band and swing by a lot, so get a Songkick account if you want to know when they'll be around. Here's a song of theirs' ('s?) that I've been listening to all evening.

I went jogging to that song tonight. It's (pretty much) the first time I've gone since before Logan was born. It was a quick one lapper and I took Luna with me, but it's something I know I'll want to do tomorrow. I missed it!

kablamblam!!

I'm getting my ears pierced by my sister right now. MGHAGAHD it feels so good. I haven't had a needle shoved through skin in more than a year. Ah, self-inflicted pain... You've been missed.

loki's low key

I did the craziest thing on the PS3 network today. Whoever was playing that Modern Warfare 2 server got an earful.

brb in four hours. WORK. :3

let it pour

Have you ever sneezed into a fan and had your sneeze spit blown back into your face? Yeah, that's probably the best way to describe how my day's been going so far. I'm seriously starting to act my age in the sense that I just canNOT accept myself for who I am. I feel like a failure constantly so imagine what happens when I actually mess up. All I want to do for days after is bash my head onto solid concrete a billion times.

Other than me hating myself x1000 everything is dandy. I have the coolest person in the world as a boyfriend (I think), work is fine, and Logan is doing great. He's getting bigger and bigger every day! I think it's thanks to Logan that my family life is slowly improving. At least I think. I'm trying to put more effort into it as well. The school search is on. I'm looking at college websites right now. I hope to have figured out where I'm going and what I'm doing before the end of the week. It's not gonna happen. Hahah.

Logan's first bath

I assure you, he's well taken care of and very loved. We're just strange people.

html

I can't believe I haven't posted an entry since before Logan popped out of the womb. My nephew was born Logan Alexander Grimm on May 12th at around 8pm. He weighed out to be eight pounds even and was something like 193cm long. I don't know about his height. Regardless, if you've read past entries of my blog, you'd know my sister was supposed to have a baby girl. Well, Lily came out Logan. Despite having had to return all of the girl clothes and baby girl items, I think everyone in my immediate family is ecstatic that Logan is a boy. My father especially. He's wanted a baby boy since I was a little girl. Matter-of-fact, I was supposed to be a boy. Sorry, Dad! :<

brb, smoking.

Nothing more delicious for breakfast than pull-apart Twizzlers and Diet Dr. Thunder. I'm a little stoned and occupied with Super Street Fighter IV right now. I'll post more someday.

mi alma

Hey, all. That last entry was partially typed out while I was under the influence, so excuse the grammatical errors and such. I've noticed that since I've stopped writing, when I do write, it's really shitty! I've also noticed that for the first time in a long time, I'm spending most of my time thinking. When it comes to me and thinking, it's one extreme or the other. I either don't think very much at all, therefore not examining potential consequences to my actions, or I think so much that I scare myself into not initiating the action. Either way, I usually end up feeling regretful and terrible afterwards. What do I do? What I'm trying to do is take good care of myself in every aspect of life. I'm trying to make sure my mental health is where it needs to be (it's not). I'm trying to take care of my physical health and my body (I'm not). I'm trying to keep my head up. I need to make a more thorough attempt to stay happy. That's all I want for me. That's all I want for anyone.

I woke up at noon today, which is pretty late for me. My norm was noon at one point, and I'm proud of myself for fixing that particular habit. Oddly enough, I've figured out that I have more energy when I get less than 8 hours of sleep compared to when I get more than 8 hours of sleep. For breakfast this morning, I ate a ton of marshmallows, some oatmeal, and tea. For lunch I ate two tacos and drank a green tea pearl drink (really yummy, btw). I picked at some pastries and chewed some gum in between. When I came home at six from hanging out with my boyfriend, I ate at least 5 bowls of cereal, a chicken burrito, and more marshmallows. I am so fucking full. Overeating has become my main method to temporarily reduce stress, but when I'm done eating, the stress comes back ten times worse since I just ate a TON OF FUCKING FOOD. I'm so terribly self conscious about my weight and how I look in front of people. I've been putting more effort into being active, but damn, I'm not what I used to be. I'm renewing my gym membership on Wednesday and I could not be more excited. Now I'll have something to do on my days off besides eat, play bass, listen to music, and hate myself. Ngh. I'm not eating anything else for the rest of the night. Just drinking some delicious peppermint tea.