Logan's first bath

I assure you, he's well taken care of and very loved. We're just strange people.

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I can't believe I haven't posted an entry since before Logan popped out of the womb. My nephew was born Logan Alexander Grimm on May 12th at around 8pm. He weighed out to be eight pounds even and was something like 193cm long. I don't know about his height. Regardless, if you've read past entries of my blog, you'd know my sister was supposed to have a baby girl. Well, Lily came out Logan. Despite having had to return all of the girl clothes and baby girl items, I think everyone in my immediate family is ecstatic that Logan is a boy. My father especially. He's wanted a baby boy since I was a little girl. Matter-of-fact, I was supposed to be a boy. Sorry, Dad! :<

brb, smoking.

Nothing more delicious for breakfast than pull-apart Twizzlers and Diet Dr. Thunder. I'm a little stoned and occupied with Super Street Fighter IV right now. I'll post more someday.

mi alma

Hey, all. That last entry was partially typed out while I was under the influence, so excuse the grammatical errors and such. I've noticed that since I've stopped writing, when I do write, it's really shitty! I've also noticed that for the first time in a long time, I'm spending most of my time thinking. When it comes to me and thinking, it's one extreme or the other. I either don't think very much at all, therefore not examining potential consequences to my actions, or I think so much that I scare myself into not initiating the action. Either way, I usually end up feeling regretful and terrible afterwards. What do I do? What I'm trying to do is take good care of myself in every aspect of life. I'm trying to make sure my mental health is where it needs to be (it's not). I'm trying to take care of my physical health and my body (I'm not). I'm trying to keep my head up. I need to make a more thorough attempt to stay happy. That's all I want for me. That's all I want for anyone.

I woke up at noon today, which is pretty late for me. My norm was noon at one point, and I'm proud of myself for fixing that particular habit. Oddly enough, I've figured out that I have more energy when I get less than 8 hours of sleep compared to when I get more than 8 hours of sleep. For breakfast this morning, I ate a ton of marshmallows, some oatmeal, and tea. For lunch I ate two tacos and drank a green tea pearl drink (really yummy, btw). I picked at some pastries and chewed some gum in between. When I came home at six from hanging out with my boyfriend, I ate at least 5 bowls of cereal, a chicken burrito, and more marshmallows. I am so fucking full. Overeating has become my main method to temporarily reduce stress, but when I'm done eating, the stress comes back ten times worse since I just ate a TON OF FUCKING FOOD. I'm so terribly self conscious about my weight and how I look in front of people. I've been putting more effort into being active, but damn, I'm not what I used to be. I'm renewing my gym membership on Wednesday and I could not be more excited. Now I'll have something to do on my days off besides eat, play bass, listen to music, and hate myself. Ngh. I'm not eating anything else for the rest of the night. Just drinking some delicious peppermint tea.

karmalade

I love playing bass. I never understood why I didn't play more. My fingers hurt a lot because I have tiny girl hands, but I don't mind it. I was told that once I started playing, it would be a lot easier to hear the bass played in songs. It was/still kind of is difficult for me to hear it being played in some of the music I listen to. It varies from band to band.

My sister's moved back into the house. We traded rooms for the sake of the baby, which I offered to do and am totally cool with. Britt's never had a big room and she deserves to. I don't have a ton of personal belongings and since I've moved out once before and never quite fully moved back in, it was easy to move my shit around. It's funny though, because I went from a huge room to my sister's room, which is so tiny! This room has been my sister's territory since 2005, so it's kind of strange being in here a good portion of my time (I'm antisocial). I'm situating myself in as best I can. It's difficult for me to accept the fact that there'll be an infant in this house in a couple of days. Gives me chills.

Life throws curve balls way too often. More and more lately it seems like terrible things are happening. It seems to be happening so much more often than before, but maybe I'm just more observant than I used to be. Lily isn't "a terrible thing" by any means, but I didn't want my little sister having a kid this young. It's going to be different forever now. I don't know what any of us are doing. I'm super scared.