You better sweep this up.

Good morning, starshines. Tia Nonners says hello. It's 8:52 and I have to leave for work at 9:30. I spent most of my 4th of July weekend playing CoD: Modern Warfare, listening to some amazing musicians do their thing, eating Japanese grocery store omnoms, and smoking. I didn't get to see any fireworks again this year, which was a bummer (for me personally). I'm actually a bit frustrated about it because I was told that I would be able to. Regardless, I had a good time doing what I was doing on the 4th.
I'm learning finger exercises for playing bass and I have to say: MY HANDS ARE WAY TOO TINY FOR THIS SHIT. I swear, I have the hardest time getting my hands around the neck of my instrument. The action is too high and holding strings down is a lot more difficult than holding strings down on another bass. My fingers also need to learn how to contort more. I'm getting good at doing that spider thing.

work 10am-7pm

mi alma

Hey, all. That last entry was partially typed out while I was under the influence, so excuse the grammatical errors and such. I've noticed that since I've stopped writing, when I do write, it's really shitty! I've also noticed that for the first time in a long time, I'm spending most of my time thinking. When it comes to me and thinking, it's one extreme or the other. I either don't think very much at all, therefore not examining potential consequences to my actions, or I think so much that I scare myself into not initiating the action. Either way, I usually end up feeling regretful and terrible afterwards. What do I do? What I'm trying to do is take good care of myself in every aspect of life. I'm trying to make sure my mental health is where it needs to be (it's not). I'm trying to take care of my physical health and my body (I'm not). I'm trying to keep my head up. I need to make a more thorough attempt to stay happy. That's all I want for me. That's all I want for anyone.

I woke up at noon today, which is pretty late for me. My norm was noon at one point, and I'm proud of myself for fixing that particular habit. Oddly enough, I've figured out that I have more energy when I get less than 8 hours of sleep compared to when I get more than 8 hours of sleep. For breakfast this morning, I ate a ton of marshmallows, some oatmeal, and tea. For lunch I ate two tacos and drank a green tea pearl drink (really yummy, btw). I picked at some pastries and chewed some gum in between. When I came home at six from hanging out with my boyfriend, I ate at least 5 bowls of cereal, a chicken burrito, and more marshmallows. I am so fucking full. Overeating has become my main method to temporarily reduce stress, but when I'm done eating, the stress comes back ten times worse since I just ate a TON OF FUCKING FOOD. I'm so terribly self conscious about my weight and how I look in front of people. I've been putting more effort into being active, but damn, I'm not what I used to be. I'm renewing my gym membership on Wednesday and I could not be more excited. Now I'll have something to do on my days off besides eat, play bass, listen to music, and hate myself. Ngh. I'm not eating anything else for the rest of the night. Just drinking some delicious peppermint tea.

karmalade

I love playing bass. I never understood why I didn't play more. My fingers hurt a lot because I have tiny girl hands, but I don't mind it. I was told that once I started playing, it would be a lot easier to hear the bass played in songs. It was/still kind of is difficult for me to hear it being played in some of the music I listen to. It varies from band to band.

My sister's moved back into the house. We traded rooms for the sake of the baby, which I offered to do and am totally cool with. Britt's never had a big room and she deserves to. I don't have a ton of personal belongings and since I've moved out once before and never quite fully moved back in, it was easy to move my shit around. It's funny though, because I went from a huge room to my sister's room, which is so tiny! This room has been my sister's territory since 2005, so it's kind of strange being in here a good portion of my time (I'm antisocial). I'm situating myself in as best I can. It's difficult for me to accept the fact that there'll be an infant in this house in a couple of days. Gives me chills.

Life throws curve balls way too often. More and more lately it seems like terrible things are happening. It seems to be happening so much more often than before, but maybe I'm just more observant than I used to be. Lily isn't "a terrible thing" by any means, but I didn't want my little sister having a kid this young. It's going to be different forever now. I don't know what any of us are doing. I'm super scared.

dos

My boyfriend's mother came home from a business trip to Japan today She bought me a Hard Rock Cafe wife-beater that fits almost too perfectly. She got it from Yokohama or Okinawa or something like that. Either way, how cool is that?! On top of that, I finally got my fat ass into (semi)gear and set up the old Dell laptop my father gave me. You can't really use it as a laptop in terms of being able to move it around, but since when do I move anyway? The cord to charge the Dell has to be hung over the screen, hanging down. It won't take a charge, so if I move the computer even slightly, it dies on me. It's frustrating, but you know what? It's a fucking laptop. David's mother has been gone for more than two weeks and when she's gone, David and I are the complete opposite of productive. We sit around and smoke pot and eat all day. It's nice, but it gets old after a while, so I'm obviously real glad to have Deb back.

I've just recently picked up my bass from my father's house and brought it over to my pad. It hasn't been played much, but I have a coworker that's willing to teach me, so I'm motivated. I even went to the local instrument store and asked an employee there for some advice. My bass is a First Act, so it's pretty much the most worthless type of instrument offered on the market besides a Hanna Montana guitar. Still, for a hundred and fifty bucks (I didn't buy it), I got a bass, two picks, a carrying case, a tiny little amp that I fucking love, and a book that I lost. I bought a thicker pick that won't break from the thick ass bass strings and another "How to" book on playing bass that looks pretty useful. Now I just have to work up the courage to play the damn thing knowing that other people can hear me.

Here's a song to listen to so you don't just have to deal with text.

Love you guys. keep reading.