Logan's first bath

I assure you, he's well taken care of and very loved. We're just strange people.

karmalade

I love playing bass. I never understood why I didn't play more. My fingers hurt a lot because I have tiny girl hands, but I don't mind it. I was told that once I started playing, it would be a lot easier to hear the bass played in songs. It was/still kind of is difficult for me to hear it being played in some of the music I listen to. It varies from band to band.

My sister's moved back into the house. We traded rooms for the sake of the baby, which I offered to do and am totally cool with. Britt's never had a big room and she deserves to. I don't have a ton of personal belongings and since I've moved out once before and never quite fully moved back in, it was easy to move my shit around. It's funny though, because I went from a huge room to my sister's room, which is so tiny! This room has been my sister's territory since 2005, so it's kind of strange being in here a good portion of my time (I'm antisocial). I'm situating myself in as best I can. It's difficult for me to accept the fact that there'll be an infant in this house in a couple of days. Gives me chills.

Life throws curve balls way too often. More and more lately it seems like terrible things are happening. It seems to be happening so much more often than before, but maybe I'm just more observant than I used to be. Lily isn't "a terrible thing" by any means, but I didn't want my little sister having a kid this young. It's going to be different forever now. I don't know what any of us are doing. I'm super scared.

What's the point?

Man, life is so wild sometimes. My fifteen year old sister is six months pregnant and my family just found this out a little more than a week ago. My fifteen year old cousin who impregnated his fifteen year old girlfriend just had his kid two days ago. What the fuck is going on? I'm not disappointed in them -- fuck it, I'm lying. I am. Especially with Brittany. Nathan and I were never really close, but I know he's a smart kid (sans the impregnating a high school freshman) and that he'll love that kid until his ears bleed. Our generation is so pathetic. I'm not basing this off of my relatives; I'm basing it off of everything. Very few of the kids my age are currently going anywhere. No ambition anymore, and I'm sad to say that I'm gradually becoming just like them. Do I want to do anything with my life and if I do, why? What's the point?

I watched 500 Days of Summer yesterday. I'm not a big fan of the female lead, Zooey Deschanel. I'm pretty sure she was in Yes Man, too. I don't hate her or anything like that. I just don't like her acting. Jesus balls, though, that Joseph Gordon-Levitt kid is just so cute. I would do terrible, terrible things to him. He was in 3rd Rock from the Sun. Little Joseph grew the fuck up, huh? He reminds me a lot of this dude I'm banging. Anyway, yeah. 500 Days of Summer was alright. I missed the first 20 minutes, so maybe I need to watch it again, but I thought it was an average movie overall. Phenomenal soundtrack, though. Those kinds of movies always have a bomb ass soundtrack. At the climax of the movie, a Regina Spektor song I've never heard before called "Hero" played and I nearly cried.



Life is shitty right now in my eyes. I mean, shitty for my usually awesome life. I feel like I'm just fading away. I feel like I'm being consumed by my anxiety. Logan, my cat, leaves home for days at a time and comes back when he so chooses, but he's never been gone this long. I wish he was home. I wish Mia was here, too.

jo jin leaf

Listening to:
Tegan and Sara - The Con

Mood:

It's seriously been three days since my last post? Wow. Time flies. I finally gave Tegan and Sara a try, and my God, I cannot stop listening to this album. One song is a complete abomination and I can't stand it, but the rest I really like. If anyone who is reading this lives in Northern California, you really need to go to Sky High. We (Samantha, Steven, David) ended up going on a weekend, so many, many children were present, but nothing's more fun than pegging eight year old boys in the face with foam dodgeballs. It was nice to jump around and act like a kid again. I really needed it. I went job hunting with Jim again yesterday, and Zach proof-read and corrected some parts of my resume. I'm hoping I get a job here soon. It'll up my work ethic and the productivity will make me feel a little less lazy. Gregg moved out just a couple hours ago and I couldn't be more thrilled. With Brittany not living at home currently and Dad working, I can finally play bass as loud as I please (or even play bass at all). I'm happy.

fair warning, 35.

God damnit. I didn't post again yesterday? I guess it slipped my mind. The Cold concert at Slim's wasn't too great. Mom got sick and left before the first opening band even ended their set. The first opening band played fine, and more than likely the most passionately out of all three bands, but their image was one to laugh at (the emo haircuts and metal hair isn't a good look for anyone and really never was). The second opening band was as boring as elevator music. Cold not only took forever to start their set, but when the set began, the band wasn't even present. They just played a 10-15 minute timeline clip of where they came from, how they began, and how highly they seem to think of themselves now. I'm all for pride, but I seemed to be more of an arrogant move from a band that had some mainstream success and clung to that for dear life. That entire escapade turned me off the entire rest of the set, which I didn't think was that good anyway. I have trouble saying that, but that's how I feel. Zach was being loud and kind of douchey (especially with the second band), as was my sister, and it just got frustrating after a while. Zach had a bad day; that's fine, whatever. I'll get over it. Brittany is Brittany; that's fine, too. I was just a bit embarrassed at the time. My mom doesn't seem to be in very good health, either. Dad had to drop her off at her place, go back home, take her car back up to Santa Clara, have me follow in the Corolla behind him, and then go back home. It was irriting, but that's just part of becoming an adult: doing things you don't want to do. Dad didn't want to either though, so we shared our sleepy post-concert pain. My mother will more than likely be okay. She always bounced back and probably always will. She just better go to the fucking doctor's today like she said she would.

Apologies for the abnormally bitchy post. They're few and far between, so just take them as they come, okay?