mi alma

Hey, all. That last entry was partially typed out while I was under the influence, so excuse the grammatical errors and such. I've noticed that since I've stopped writing, when I do write, it's really shitty! I've also noticed that for the first time in a long time, I'm spending most of my time thinking. When it comes to me and thinking, it's one extreme or the other. I either don't think very much at all, therefore not examining potential consequences to my actions, or I think so much that I scare myself into not initiating the action. Either way, I usually end up feeling regretful and terrible afterwards. What do I do? What I'm trying to do is take good care of myself in every aspect of life. I'm trying to make sure my mental health is where it needs to be (it's not). I'm trying to take care of my physical health and my body (I'm not). I'm trying to keep my head up. I need to make a more thorough attempt to stay happy. That's all I want for me. That's all I want for anyone.

I woke up at noon today, which is pretty late for me. My norm was noon at one point, and I'm proud of myself for fixing that particular habit. Oddly enough, I've figured out that I have more energy when I get less than 8 hours of sleep compared to when I get more than 8 hours of sleep. For breakfast this morning, I ate a ton of marshmallows, some oatmeal, and tea. For lunch I ate two tacos and drank a green tea pearl drink (really yummy, btw). I picked at some pastries and chewed some gum in between. When I came home at six from hanging out with my boyfriend, I ate at least 5 bowls of cereal, a chicken burrito, and more marshmallows. I am so fucking full. Overeating has become my main method to temporarily reduce stress, but when I'm done eating, the stress comes back ten times worse since I just ate a TON OF FUCKING FOOD. I'm so terribly self conscious about my weight and how I look in front of people. I've been putting more effort into being active, but damn, I'm not what I used to be. I'm renewing my gym membership on Wednesday and I could not be more excited. Now I'll have something to do on my days off besides eat, play bass, listen to music, and hate myself. Ngh. I'm not eating anything else for the rest of the night. Just drinking some delicious peppermint tea.

just about once a month

I can't believe -- just cannot believe that I haven't gotten the eighth Johto badge in Pokemon SoulSilver yet. I'm farting around with all these potential interests (writing, bass, biking, skating) and haven't focused on gaming at all. My 360 probably only gets played weekly. Uggghhh. I'm almost done typing out my journal; I'd say about two thirds done. It'll still be a rough draft once it's typed out. It'll just be easier to edit. Names, locations, and stuff like that still have to be altered for privacy to be kept. Regardless, I'm not only excited -- excitement being unusual enough -- but confident in my goals, which is more noteworthy than any excitement I can experience. If I manage to get this thing published, it will get noticed and I will be loaded. Daddy's getting a new house here soon. Ahaha.

Work is going well. There's nothing to it but hard work and being social. The latter used to be absolutely dreadful and petrifying to me even while I was medicated, but I can't even tell that I'm off my meds most of the time now. I persevered and can currently function perfectly fine without any form of medication. My boyfriend had my back and supported me the entire time. Thank you so much, Conejito! Te amo! Mi amor! lol. Not much else to say. I've been listening to a ton of music. I'm working on my writing more intricately so I can pursue a (moderately realistic) career involving both. My bass needs to be played. I need to practice! :( I haven't been working out as much as I'd like to, but if the weather stays this pretty, I'll kick myself in the ass if I don't get outside eventually.

Aaaand... here's my song of the moment. It's a Japanese band, ACIDMAN, covering the Disney Pocahontas song "Colors of the Wind." It's so, so, SO good. OH! I'll post Miyavi covering Nirvana's "Blew" as well. The audio is all you really need on the first video, but you should watch the second one.

The lead singer, Oki (Ohki, Ooki?) Nobuo, is cute as fuck. I have an interracial crush on him. <3>

And I don't find Miyavi attractive at all, but damn, he's an amazing guitar player.

I'm normal here.

Fuck, has it been a rough new year. Though, 2009 in Alaina-vision sucked, too (except for the music).

David and I broke up. Violently. I'm acting different than I ever have before, but exactly how I used to be at the same time. My psyche is all contorted and I'm wondering whether it's from one thing or another. I'm so lonely all the time. I want to get out and do things, but I fucking panic or someone says something and I get all butt-hurt and nostalgic when I shouldn't. It's slowly waning away, and I want to prove to myself that I'm not co-dependent, because I'm not, but I miss hugs. Hugs are so awesome.

Check out my new playlist. It's some good music.

dos

My boyfriend's mother came home from a business trip to Japan today She bought me a Hard Rock Cafe wife-beater that fits almost too perfectly. She got it from Yokohama or Okinawa or something like that. Either way, how cool is that?! On top of that, I finally got my fat ass into (semi)gear and set up the old Dell laptop my father gave me. You can't really use it as a laptop in terms of being able to move it around, but since when do I move anyway? The cord to charge the Dell has to be hung over the screen, hanging down. It won't take a charge, so if I move the computer even slightly, it dies on me. It's frustrating, but you know what? It's a fucking laptop. David's mother has been gone for more than two weeks and when she's gone, David and I are the complete opposite of productive. We sit around and smoke pot and eat all day. It's nice, but it gets old after a while, so I'm obviously real glad to have Deb back.

I've just recently picked up my bass from my father's house and brought it over to my pad. It hasn't been played much, but I have a coworker that's willing to teach me, so I'm motivated. I even went to the local instrument store and asked an employee there for some advice. My bass is a First Act, so it's pretty much the most worthless type of instrument offered on the market besides a Hanna Montana guitar. Still, for a hundred and fifty bucks (I didn't buy it), I got a bass, two picks, a carrying case, a tiny little amp that I fucking love, and a book that I lost. I bought a thicker pick that won't break from the thick ass bass strings and another "How to" book on playing bass that looks pretty useful. Now I just have to work up the courage to play the damn thing knowing that other people can hear me.

Here's a song to listen to so you don't just have to deal with text.

Love you guys. keep reading.

video and song of the day

Michael Jackson

You know, I hate to say this, but it truly did take death to get me to listen to Michael Jackson's music. He's a really good musician and I've known that my entire life, but the child molestation charges came about when I was young, maybe eight years old if not younger. On top of that, Michael Jackson looking as inhuman as he ever did at the time, I sure as shit wasn't willing or ready to give the guy an unbiased opinion. Regardless, I was eight and my opinion wouldn't have meant squat to anyone, but you understand where I'm coming from. Now, if you know me personally, you know I pride myself on my musical prowess. I listen to all kinds of different genres and a close friend of mine instilled in me the values that him and I don't listen to a specific genre, we just listen to what we think is good music. I learned of Michael Jackson's upbringing when I was eleven or twelve, but the idea of that white looking he/she touching little boys just made me twinge in my bed at night. Michael Jackson was totally the monster in my closet; he was the boogieman to me. I was scared shitless by the man. I've grown a lot mentally over the last couple years and I've come to realize that music truly is a passion for me, one that I'm going to, in one way or another, pursue a career in. So this blog is here to issue my world wide (or as wide as it can get; it's the internet after all) apology to the musical community, Michael Jackson, his family, and kind of to myself. Music is music, and Michael Jackson did it well and did it right regardless of his personal life. If Woody Allen releases an album, I'll go ahead and listen to that, too. Even if he did marry his adopted child.

jo jin leaf

Listening to:
Tegan and Sara - The Con

Mood:

It's seriously been three days since my last post? Wow. Time flies. I finally gave Tegan and Sara a try, and my God, I cannot stop listening to this album. One song is a complete abomination and I can't stand it, but the rest I really like. If anyone who is reading this lives in Northern California, you really need to go to Sky High. We (Samantha, Steven, David) ended up going on a weekend, so many, many children were present, but nothing's more fun than pegging eight year old boys in the face with foam dodgeballs. It was nice to jump around and act like a kid again. I really needed it. I went job hunting with Jim again yesterday, and Zach proof-read and corrected some parts of my resume. I'm hoping I get a job here soon. It'll up my work ethic and the productivity will make me feel a little less lazy. Gregg moved out just a couple hours ago and I couldn't be more thrilled. With Brittany not living at home currently and Dad working, I can finally play bass as loud as I please (or even play bass at all). I'm happy.

a

Reading:
A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore

Listening to:
The Fashion - The Fashion

Playing:
Pokemon Leaf Green, Resident Evil 5

- - -

I finally started reading A Dirty Job again last night. I stopped reading out of pure laziness, but part of me wonders how I was even able to. That book is just so damn good. I have to read more books by Christopher Moore without going overboard like I did with Palahniuk and end up half-hating the author. Though, Palahniuk seems a little more narcissistic than Moore. If everything goes the way I want it to, I should have the book finished by the end of the week. I've been listening to lots of new music in the last couple of hours as well. I decided to re-do my MySpace playlist and God knows I always find new music when I do that (the one reason I prefer MySpace over Facebook). I've been aware of The Fashion for a good long time, but didn't get the opportunity to listen to their full album until today. It's not too bad. Rarely do I listen to an album the first time through and actually like it.

Hungry, bbl.

wish-a-wish

Listening to:
Foo Fighters - The Colour And The Shape

Playing:
Nintendo DS - Rune Factory 2 (don't laugh at me)

I got my license in the mail today. They made me take my glasses off, and I was totally unprepared for the picture. My signature is hilarious though, looks like I just learned cursive -- fucking computerized signature takers. I was shocked to see I only had one facial piercing in the picture. That means over the past six to eight months, I've gotten two more lip piercings and an eyebrow piercing. I'd say that's pretty impressive/sad. I have had a pretty eventful last couple of days, but I consider it more diary worthy than blog worthy. I own a diary that I hope will be published one day when I die, but I write in it so rarely that I doubt any of it will be worth reading or even make much sense. I've had Anne Frank syndrome for the past year or so. What else, what else. Oh. Just to let you know, I have every intention of posting pictures on this blog sometime soon. The computer I use most doesn't read SD cards anymore, so if it takes a while before I post pictures, bear (bare?) with me. Pictures make everything more interesting. I'm also planning on posting my list of visited webcomics in a couple of days. I posted it on my MySpace blog, but I've started reading more since then. Beware, some of them are naughty; just keep an open mind and you'll be fine.

jem

Three days without a post now? I'm so sorry. I can't say the last couple of days have been particularly eventful, but I still should've posted something. Ummm. I went shopping yesterday. I bought clothes that fit a little better (since I've been losing weight, most of my clothes are loose). I got a skirt with the coolest buttons on them for 2.97! God bless you, GAP clearance. I got a new studded belt, as well. I've been looking for one of those at a decent price for a good while. Hopefully this one doesn't fall apart in two/three months.

I'm actually about to head off to the gym, but if I have something interesting to post later, I'll let you know.

EDIT: Oh, yeah. The Toadies concert I was supposed to go to tonight was canceled. Something about a death in the family. Hope all is well with them.

"Mister Bate?"

I don't have much of anything to do for the rest of the night. How awesome is that? No one is home aside from my asshole roommate, so playing music and singing loudly isn't a problem at all. I've listened to so much new music over the past couple of days that my head might pop. I seriously think my iPod has become my most valuable possession to me over the last few months. I've put so much effort into getting music, album covers, lyrics, and pictures all on that one device. Oh, that and I've beat Solitare 432 times on my iPod.

Rotten Tomatoes is also something I've been participating in more frequently. It's hard to stay on that site when you're not nearly as infatuated with movies as most of the users are. I don't watch many movies. I'm usually just on the OT forum, but that's fine.

I don't have anything else to say. Here's a picture.

Entire iPod Collection

Alice in Chains - Dirt
Anamanaguchi - Dawn Metropolis
Anamanaguchi - Power Supply
Anberlin - Blueprints For The Black Market
Anberlin - Never Take Friendship Personal
Annuals - Wet Zoo
Annuals - Such Fun
Arcade Fire - Neon Bible
Band Of Horses - Cease To Begin
Beck - Modern Guilt
Beirut - The Flying Club Cup
Beirut - Lon Gisland EP
Biffy Clyro - Puzzle
Blink 182 - Blink 182
Bloc Party - Intimacy
Bloc Party - Silent Alarm
Blog Party - A Weekend In The City
Bloodhound Gang - Hefty Fine
Brand New - Deja Entendu
Brand New - Your Favorite Weapon
Camera Obscura - Let's Get Out Of This Country
Cartel - Cartel
Cartel - Chroma
Cartel - Ransom EP
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
Cold - 13 Ways To Bleed On Stage
Copeland - You Are My Sunshine
Crystal Castles - Thrash Thrash Thrash
Cursive - Happy Hollow
Cursive - The Ugly Organ
Daft Punk - Daft Club
Dance Gavin Dance - Dance Gavin Dance
Dear and the Headlights - Drunk Like Bible Times
Dear and the Headlights - Small Steps, Heavy Hooves
Death Cab For Cutie - Narrow Stairs
The Decemberists - The Crane Wife
Dinosaur Jr. - Without a Sound
Does It Offend You, Yeah? - You Have No Idea What You're Getting Yourself Into
Dropkick Murphys - The Meanest of Times
Eels - Blinking Lights and Other Revelations
Eels - Electro-Shock Blues
Eminem - The Eminem Show
Eminem - The Marshall Mathers LP
Everclear - Sparkle And Fade
The Exies - Head For The Door
Final Fantasy - Has A Good Home
The Format - Dog Problems
The Format - Interventions & Lullabies
The Fray - How To Save A Life
Gatsbys American Dream - Ribbons and Sugar
Gnarls Barkley - The Odd Couple
Headphones - Headphones
The Hold Steady - Boys And Girls In America
The Hold Steady - Stay Positive
Hole - Celebrity Skin
Idiot Pilot - Strange We Should Meet Here
Idiot Pilot - Wolves
Imogen Heap - Speak for Yourself
Jessica Lea Mayfield - With Blasphemy So Heartfelt
Julia Nunes - I Wrote These
Kanye West - Graduation
The Killers - Hot Fuss
Kings Of Convenience - Riot On An Empty Street
Kings Of Leon - Only By The Night
Kupek - B is for Bupek
Kupek - Before the Beginning
Kupek - Nameless, Faceless Complilation
Kupek - This Is Intolerable
Kupek - Tries Again
Less Than Jake - Hello Rockview
Linkin Park - Meteora
Linkin Park - Reanimation
Loop!Station - Conversations With Water
M.I.A. - Kala
M83 - Saturdays = Youth
Maroon 5 - Songs About Jane
The Mars Volta - Amputechture
Matisyahu - Youth
MGMT - Oracular Spectacular
Minus the Bear - Interpretaciones Del Oso
Minus the Bear - Planet of Ice
Minus the Bear - They Make Beer Commercials Like This
Modest Mouse - Good News For People Who Love Bad News
Motion City Soundtrack - Back To The Beat
Motion City Soundtrack - Commit This to Memory
Motion City Soundtrack - I Am The Movie
Motion City Soundtrack - Kids For America
Nine Inch Nails - The Downward Spiral
Nine Inch Nails - The Fragile (left)
Nine Inch Nails - The Fragile (right)
Nirvana - Intesticide
Nirvana - Nevermind
The Offspring - Americana
Our Lady Peace - Gravity
Panic At The Disco - A Fever You Can't Sweat Out
Panic At The Disco - Pretty. Odd.
Paramore - Riot!
Pearl Jam - Binaural
Pearl Jam - No Code
Pearl Jam - Ten
The Pillows - PIED PIPER
PlayRadioPlay! - The Frequency EP
The Postal Service - Give Up
Presidents of The United States of America - The Presidents of The United States of America
Q And Not U - Different Damage
Q And Not U - No Kill No Beep Beep
Q And Not U - Power
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication
Regina Spektor - Begin To Hope
Rise Against - Appeal To Reason
Rise Against - The Sufferer & The Witness
The Rocket Summer - Hello, Good Friend
Santogold - Santogold
Say Anything - In Defense Of The Genre (disc one)
Say Anything - In Defense Of The Genre (disc two)
Say Anything - ...Is A Real Boy
Say Anything - ...Was A Real Boy
Seven Mary Three - American Standard
The Shins - Wincing The Night Away
Silverchair - Frogstomp
Silversun Pickups - Carnavas
Slipknot - Slipknot
Slipknot - Vol 3: (The Subliminal Verses)
Social Distortion - Sex, Love, and Rock 'n' Roll
Soul Coughing - Irresistible Bliss
Soundgarden - Down On The Upside
Stone Temple Pilots - Purple
Sublime - Robbin' The Hood
Sublime - Second Hand Smoke
Sublime - Sublime
Sublime - 40 oz. to Freedom
System Of A Down - Steal This Album!
T.I. - Paper Trail
Tapes 'n Tapes - Walk It Off
Teddybears - Soft Machine
The Thermals - The Body, The Blood, The Machine
Third Eye Blind - Third Eye Blind
Three Days Grace - One X
Toadies - Hell Below, Stars Above
Toadies - No Deliverance
Toadies - Rubberneck
Tool - Enima
Trapt - Trapt
TV On The Radio - Dear Science,
TV On The Radio - Return To Cookie Mountain
Under The Influence Of Giants - Under The Influence Of Giants
The Used - The Used
Utada - Exodus
Utada Hikaru - ULTRA BLUE
Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend
We Are Scientists - With Love & Squalor
What Laura Says - Thinks & Feels
Wolf Parade - At Mount Zoomer
The Wombats - A Guide To Love, Loss and Desperation
Zebrahead - Mashup To The World

lugging the sentiment around

My breakfast diet lately has consisted of a can of pineapples and a bag of low-fat popcorn. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Add a can of Coke Zero to that -- I just found it in the fridge. Ever since I've started having water as my drink of preference, carbonated drinks are so much more disgusting than they ever were to me before. Even drinking half of this Coke is a chore. I want my water back.

To the people/person who has/have read all of my entries, I don't have any intentions of starting a LiveJournal account. I'm very appreciative of the simplicity of Blogger. It's nice.

I've recently added some new albums to Charlie, my iPod, and if any of you have any recommendations that you think I'd enjoy listening to, please let me know!

Anamanaguchi - Power Supply
Anamanaguchi - Dawn Metropolis
The Pillows - PIED PIPER
What Laura Says - Thinks & Feels
The Shins - Wincing The Night Away
Matisyahu - Youth
We Are Scientists - With Love And Squalor

I might add my entire collection later if I get bored. :)